If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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