Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
