Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
