the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
