I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize