i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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