just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
