when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize