One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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