i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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