it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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