Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
