I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
