I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Who died my cat blue again?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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