I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
