During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
