On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I believe in your delicious
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
