My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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