my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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