Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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