need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
