We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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