Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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