Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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