At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
a search helicopter?!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
