So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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