there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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