if you like me you must not know who I am
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
