Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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