I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
