Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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