I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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