was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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