I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize