Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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