summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize