I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
