I'm drive I can fine osifer
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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