I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
