It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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