Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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