she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
