You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
