I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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