How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
