You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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