Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
