You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
