my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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