birth control should be required to get into college
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize