You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
