My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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