to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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