So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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