You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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