Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
