we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
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