I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
