and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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