shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
