okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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