Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize