So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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