I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
