i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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