I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
