This girl is more easily done than said...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
