why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
