I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
