I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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