U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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