Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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