I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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