I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
