he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
