Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
