forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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