dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
