he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
