the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
