Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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