I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
