Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
