No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
