I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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