Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
