Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
