I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
