Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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