If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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