Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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