My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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