Well apparently he's into motor boating.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
