Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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