let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
