im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
