3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You may now shotgun with the bride
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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