I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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