my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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