i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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