don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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