The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
