If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
