I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
